Chronicles of a love left untold

You see her walking in front of your eyes, all wrapped up in a enchanting daze, with her head in the clouds, with her thoughts on anything but you; your head hurts from all this painful wondering whether she knows or not;whether she will learn or not; whether there is hope or you wiped it away.

Years pass and you are still bewildered by her mature appearence, as she finds a new job, and you remain there, static, stupified, baffled about how breath-taking a woman can be, still incapable of speaking a word to her, tell her what kind of sentimental war has started in your heart, how hard it is to keep your eyes and mind away from her, how it hurts not to be able to touch her hands and warm her.

You are both old, but the difference is that time affected you, while it left her beauty untouched. As if she is still the young girl walking in front of you and doing her tricks and casting her spells on your tormented soul. Your eyes crave her as much as anything in the world, but your mouth is paralyzed, still unable to speak the words of love you have hidden inside you for too long. And you silently watch her walk away, as the first touches of white appear on her hair.

And then she died. And you never realized how it feels being away from her. And you wish you told her earlier how magical it felt seeing her walk and talk. And how you wish you let her know that her beauty was the only beauty you could ever fall in love with. And the words you never spoke, the actions you never took blow your heart to smithereens.

At the end of the day

All those days, all those magnificent, or miserable, or exhausting days, revolving around people, people and thoughts and places, and rare moments can be spent in total loneliness; loneliness has become, among many other undermined human conditions, a luxury in busy cities hungry for life and lights.


All this delusion about independence; we are not truly free when we have to depend on others, when others contribute to our feelings, to our thoughts, to what we call personality, to what we call mood. How can we independent, when we seek love and care and acceptance? In this sense, it is not bad to be dependent, since this dependence derives from our vulnerable nature itsellf, from our need to be with others, to integrate in groups of people, to carry the pains of being a weak and miserable human being.


When dependence reaches manipulation, when dependence involves money, when dependence is nothing but a form of civilized slavery, this is when you have to keep your head high and break your chains, learn to think for yourself and not let false authorities impose a phoney truth to you.


At the end of the day, when we are alone, just we, ourselves and our mirrors, we cannot help but drown into our subconscious, into our deep, inner self and realize that we all need a loving person to carry us home, to make us feel human, to make the world seem less mean and cruel, to hold our hand in the darkness. 


At the end of the day, we are still seeking for emotional independence and fighting our nature, which made us who we are for a reason; to constantly lose ourselves and seek ourselves in this mass of contradictory, different, similar, unfamiliar people...

Unravelled

I miscarry a lust for life

a passion for the unknown

a will to experience and observe the most sublime and horrid of things

I miscarry another world

I cannot give birth to in this prison I was locked up in.

I miscarry a pain for the human

difficult to bear, hard to confess

the pain of a child born in poverty

the pain of a man working overnight

the pain of a woman blocked inside her routine.

I miscarry the most delicate of pains

I cannot give birth to because they sound so absurd.

I miscarry a ravishing artist

all outraged and covered in blood and feathers

that pours herself on a blank piece of paper

trying to translate complicated and alluring thoughts

into heartfelt and pointless words

I miscarry an infected sensivity

I cannot give birth to in a atrocious reality.

Walking on the wire

So tonight I decided to put some Yann Tiersen on. Or, to be more precise, I decided to listen to piano music in general. For me, this kind of music is more than pleasure to my ears. It's inspiration, it's feelings, it's memories, thoughts that even a simple scale of notes can carry. It's magic, how it happens. Listening to this kind of music and being all creative and..maybe..a bit depressed. Because writers and poets are primarily depressed people, too sick and tired of life and its games. But there's hope. Sometimes.


The track that I chose to listen to is called "Sur Le Fil". It's taken from the soundtrack of a very beautiful movie, "Amelie". For some people, Amelie is merely a romantic movie. For me, and maybe others, the movie doesn't aim to communicate a simple love story, but the appreciation of beautiful moments, the adventure that can exist in a rather routinary life (especially the life of a Western citizen), the happiness hidden in deceivingly unimportant things - which we sometimes fail to see, and tend to search for it in the wrong places. 


Sur le fil is "On the wire", in english. I did not know what it means, since I never learned French in my life, but I asked some YouTube people and they told me the exact translation in English. The depressing and melancholy melody along with its rather mysterious and feeling-evoking title made me think. 


There are moments in life when we feel like we're walking on a wire. A wire which can break and throw us to the ground, kill us or maybe save us,take us to other side, justify our choices, make us see things we never saw. Walking on a wire means that everything is fragile; if you make the correct choices, you will keep walking, if you make the wrong choices, you'll fall, and maybe you won't have the ability to come back and fix it all. 


There are moments in life when we feel like we can't go on. Should we keep walking on the wire, or let ourselves fall? Should we continue living a boring life, or change it all? Should we continue living in a bad relationship, or break up and accept the consequences of our actions? Should we study hard to enter the university, or do something else and disappoint our parents? 


Life is based on choices. When you're on the wire, you have to choose. Choose whether to walk hastily and fall or walk slowly and make it to other side, choose whether to stay in the middle of the wire or make it to the end of it, choose whether to abandon the wire and fall off or stay there and keep fighting until you reach the edge of it. It's all a matter of choice. You choose, you enjoy or suffer. Everything is fragile when you're up there, on your own, deciding over your life, without anyone guiding you. 


I am not an advice-giver, because I am rather frustrated and depressed person, but one thing I can guarantee you about is that our choices shouldn't be affected by third-party people. Only we know what is best for us and only we can decide. Do not let people intervene in your life and make you become something you've never wished for. Better regret things you have done rather things you haven't done. Fact.

Love Me.

Mick. <3

About Life

     If I were to write a letter to my grandchildren, what would I write? Possibly I'd be too ashamed of myself, 'cause I transferred to them a world that doesn't give a damn about them. From the moment we're born till the day we die, we're just a number to those people,that wear knots and spend their days in offices or in cosmopolitan celebrations. Or maybe, an annoying obstacle on their way to power and success. But that shouldn't bother them, or discourage them from walking on and on , however difficult this path may be.

      And when they feel that the laws they're fed with are unfair, they should speak their mind and never come to their knees and pray for Gods and saviours. Even if there is a God, he probably has no intention of aiding the poor creations of his wisdom, since he has deliberately given them the freedom to choose their own form of destruction and thus, destroy other people without getting a divine punishment. They should help themselves,and never ask for someone else to do all the hard work, because those people,that are up there, and look at all of us from above, and wear knots and phoney smiles, are completely dehumanized. Thing is,they rarely realize it and consequently, they consider themselves very worthy of appreciation and admiration. But the people who are down there can easily make out the beast smile drawn in their faces.

    I'd tell them not to judge me too hard for having transferred to them this kind of hideous world, because I was a very confused,baffled and unstable person that couldn't decide for herself, let alone form an opinion that includes the entire world in it. Or maybe, I'd tell them that I tried, but I was still knocked down and fallen off the stairs, whenever I tried to climb up the stairs and try for something more. Which can be equally true to the first statement, since I am still young and I do not know what I may do in the years to come. 

   I'd tell them not to let themselves be deceived by beautiful people and glamorous lives. Real happiness lies elsewhere. I ain't going to lie; there is no happiness without a considerable amount of money, because poverty bears misery. But you definitely don't need a big house to be able to call yourself happy. There are other things that matter more, like; helping people who are in urgent need of it, or falling in love, or meeting new people, or doing team work, or dreaming, or changing this world for the better,or at least trying to. And that, beauty itself is not something that can be preserved or put in boxes and perfectly ordered products, but something that combines both appearence and inner world. Let me explain, because I wouldn't like my own grandchildren to misunderstand my words. I mean that, appearence becomes beautiful with the help of the inner world, of the positiveness that one can give out to their environment. In my experience, I've seen people that cannot be considered pretty in an objective-superficial way, but were so pretty inside,that the appearence was even prettier than the appearence of a glamorous,hot person you'd probably see on the tv. And I've seen people that looked like super-hot-models that were so empty,so hollow,or so vicious inside,that they could not support their appearence. And I've seen people both pretty on the outside and on the inside. In this world of a million different people, we cannot be absolute about anything, and never fall in the trap to make predictions,since people are the most obscure beings ever existed. So i'd tell them not to choose to have a hollow person next to them, no matter how beautiful he or she may look on the outside, 'cause external beauty comes and goes, but real beauty deriving from the combination of the two stays forever.

     I'd tell them not to judge people too hard, because we all, me included, fall in this vicious trap and consider ourselves know-it-all-ers. Each one of us has their own problems,their weaknesses and their strong points, and it would be foolish of them to think that they know a person enough to know why he has decided to act in a specific way. We are such complicated beings and our actions can be linked to a million causes.So i'd tell them not to ever think that they know those simple people that sit next to them in the bus,or in a bench, or in a cafe, enough to judge their lives and actions.

    I'd tell them not to worry about people's opinions on them, because life is too short to be lived by the standards of other people;and that people will always form opinions on things they have little knowledge of, or things that they passionately envy and blame others for doing them. Be crazy;follow your heart and your passions;live every moment to its fullest because,when you get old, all you'll remember is those passionate moments and certainly not the opinions of other people...

LOVE.

I feel such a little kid sometimes - when I'm with you. 

 But I love you so much that it blows my senses away.... <3