The girl who went away
Part One
“Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean,
Tears from the depth of some divine despair
Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,
In looking on the happy Autumn-fields,
And thinking of the days that are no more.” , Alfred
Lord Tennyson
I picture me and her on a
mountain, in some reverie, wild and free
Laughing and joking,
smoking, drinking our worries away.
Her timeless beauty, the
way she moved and melted, they captivated me
And If I sinned, gladly
for her the price I would pay.
She stood at the edge of
the mountain reciting heartfelt poems
And her eyes were shining
with unbridled, honest joy.
My mind was blown,
deprived of worries, anxieties and problems
As she kissed my mouth and
tenderly called me her little boy.
Her memory is one of those
that rejuvenate in the summer
When the smell of the sea
and the grains of the sand form her pretty face
These times I’d drink and
wake up lonely and desperate the morning after
Helplessly looking for
this girl that inspired in me so many tales.
And as much as I’ve tried
to lead this girl astray
From my fingers she
slipped like a careless sun ray
Who would imagine that
this girl would go away!
Part two
“I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here…”, Nine Inch
Nails, ‘Hurt’
I saw her again, on a cold
winter night
When my heart was frozen
and my feelings were numb
Her eyes pierced me, full
of sadness and fright
As I looked at her with
signs of some once powerful love.
She looked cold and her
eyes were shining no more
And her smile was gone and
her voice
Like a little girl that
made a wrong choice
Was barely heard any more.
“Where is my little girl
gone?” I asked her gloomily.
Expecting a careless,
happy, pretty response
With a wild and
excruciating force
She replied to me somewhat
crudely:
“Who are you, what do you
want, why do you talk to me?”
Shocked by her attitude
towards her little boy, me
I told her if she
remembered those hot August nights.
When I’d hold her tight
and let her sleep in my hands
And she’d whisper to me “I
hope this never ends”.
She waved negatively, and
I tried to grab her hand
Only to see wounds,
painfully red.
All her fears and
insecurities, dreadfully fed
To the demon that escaped
his lair under the bed.
I looked her in the eyes,
that were blank, sad and mad
Tried to speak a word of
love, but my mouth went numb
If I kissed her, she
wouldn’t remember
If I loved her, she
wouldn’t know
If I sang her songs, she
wouldn’t hear
She is long gone, a memory
dimly lit.
And all the poems she
recited play in my mind
Like a song that hasn’t
died of the typhoon of time
And I hear him say “For
thine is life”
Then, why do I feel this
strange impulse to die?
Part Three
“My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and
still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor
will;
The ship is anchored safe and sound, its voyage closed
and done;
From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object
won;
Exult O shores, and ring O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.” , Walt Whitman
A few months later, as I
lay in bed
With a couple of diverse
poems tangling in my head
I heard her name on the
noisy TV
Clear and free,
excruciatingly clean
“Emma Lee, a young
beautiful girl was found dead
In an alley, after a
heroin overdose.
She was a 20-year-old student…”
What shall I do now? Help
me! I’m lost in dismay
How can I live with the
fact that I won’t see her someday
Smiling to me, singing
songs, playing in the sand with my hair
Reciting poems and crying
for things she wished she hasn’t said
Drinking with me, emptying
the bottle and dance in the moonlight
Embrace the sky with her
hands, longing to fly like a kite?
How can I live while dying
of so much torturing pain?
How can I live while my
girl has silently gone away?
